Philophobia
Philophobia
This is yet another tale of how the artists tug at the heartstrings like chords on a harp; each plucked and stretched a gamble to see when it will rupture.
NO! SHE HAS LET LOVE ENTER HER; HER HEART, LOCKED WITH FEAR AND HATE, THAT LOCK IS OPEN WITH FORGIVENESS. DO YOU NOT YET UNDERSTAND?
This is yet another tale of how the artists tug at the heartstrings like chords on a harp; each plucked and stretched a gamble to see when it will rupture.
This art, it is a pearl of great price.
Mankind grew from living in caves, and wandering hillsides, to navigating the cosmos and sleeping on moons. Perhaps that is why we have become so proud.
Why is it you possess a compilation like this? It can only mean that you are trying to deviate from past ways, and for that I applaud you. Read this and learn from it. Perhaps this is an idle paperweight for the masses, but the few like you will make the difference. Come and experience this with me, but be quiet, gaze upon that which no other has seen before.
Why is it that humans always fumble over… never advancing… as if on a treadmill? Just to experience these emotions? They merely allow a being like me to observe, no one hears my thoughts unless I murmur! I can only recount this to myself! Is it my curse? Am I to forever behold the recurring paradigm of man’s stupidity?
They give themselves by mouth, but their hearts are miles from their words. Their only instinct is to reproduce, and to fulfill that primal urge they will strive and stop at no cost to get it. Cleopatra with Mark Anthony, Lancelot with Guinevere, Paris with Helena, Napoleon with Josephine, Layla with Majnun, and Marie with Pierre Curie, are fragments of the same picture.
Homo sapiens, the creation that considered themselves for centuries as the center of the universe, are trivial and simple-minded. For some remote reason HE thinks there will come a pair that will change the history and lead their future.
Unlikely.
Behold! Over yonder, look at the grandeur of the universe. That angel watches over humanity. His frustration becomes unbearable. If it remains unchecked, then it shall wind up like the angel of light.
He cannot comprehend because his knowledge is vast and his judgments righteous, but he is nowhere near as intelligent as The Father.
The sight is grand and true; it is hard to process, but attempt to contemplate it all.
Accompany me reader.
Follow me through and take with you to society the lessons that you will learn from me.
London, 1970.
Orion and Roxanne, young lovers, the couple dated through most of high school, and were the envy of all.
Everyone knew that Orion was planning to marry Roxanne. He seemed to get jittery when someone teased the idea to him.
On graduation night, under a full moon, they walked to a narrow overpass that crossed a pond that reflected the moonlight.
The stars pale compared to her eyes that shone with love, which gazed upon her lover who held a precious jewel within his palms,
Orion proposed!
Tears rolled down her rosy cheeks and her arms outstretched and embraced her beloved, she said:
“Yes!”
But their love was short lived.
War broke out, and as expected, they drafted him.
They conceived a child just before Orion went to war. Many moons passed, many men fought, much blood bathed the battlefield, and many graves dug into the earth until they signed a treaty. Everyone was excited to see the heroes come back!
Mrs. Roxanne stood waiting with a child in her arms. The bundle of joy was asleep peacefully in her mother’s loving arms.
Alas, she would only embrace her child even tighter when she received the news…
A short-haired man in a navy blue uniform stared at her with sunken eyes of sleepless nights that reflected the battlefield he brought home. He walked up to her, handed her a ring charred with soot and said:
“He would have wanted you to have this.”
Years past as widowed Roxanne stood emotionless at the window and would cry silently looking out the window grasping a picture of her beloved in her arms.
Her eyes swollen and heavy, her body so accustomed to crying that tears seamlessly rolled down her cheeks as she slept.
The child grew.
She would see the pain that her grief-stricken mother endured for so many decades. The emotional scars alienated her from others. She no longer seemed to find joy in others. She avoided people, including her family.
The day of her mother’s burial she watched and muttered words that only a few heard:
“Do not look for him.”
This statement confused some. It petrified close associations at the extent of her disdain toward a yearning for love.
Look and listen.
Behold!
The wheel rotates, yet the vehicle moves not!
Why?
Could it be I am missing something?
Preposterous!
Could it be that there is no fulfilling purpose?
The greatest of humans fail and wither. They have failed. They fall over and over. Wherefore does their failure originate? Perhaps it is just within their nature. What could this girl possibly do that will come even close to grasping it? Does she not possess a disdain for love? Will the torment ever be over? Surveillance of these beings has become redundant. Could it be that there was a rebellion and unknowingly I am serving out my punishment?
Come, let us proceed, soon it will all be clear.
The young girl becomes a young woman.
A fair maiden, she has inherited her mother’s beauty and her father’s height. She was a mirrored reflection of her mother, though sadly it was a mirrored image on broken glass.
The girl possessed symmetry that the Roman architect Vitruvius could only envy.
Skin so smooth it housed no blemishes, honey brown eyes that were part of such a serious stare, her lips crafted by angels, and her chin held such delicate details together.
She wore a red jean-pants and a black rolling stones t-shirt. Her long brown hair was a rich warm-burnished brunette shade.
On the first day of high school, without hesitation, she stormed past the already formed social groups avoiding eye contact every step of the way.
The constant stares and glares of people did not faze her.
“Hey girl, you want to rock with me after school?”
Said flirtatiously the loudest person in the room, only fall back by her reply:
“This feels like the beginning of a great goodbye.”
Speechless and confused, he was totally paralyzed. She sat down, with no signs of remorse or humor.
Come with me and watch keenly.
Amusing, it was comical what she had done. However, there is no way an impudent child would ever mature into something great. Repeatedly has it not unfolded? She most likely will become a nymphomaniac on some dark alley, nothing more.
ENOUGH! HAVE YOU NOT LEARNT ANYTHING FROM THE MISTAKES OF THOSE BEFORE YOU? DID YOU NOT SEE HOW THEIR PRIDE CLOUDED THEIR JUDGEMENT? CEASE YOUR MURMURING! ARE YOU A FOLLOWER OF THE FALLEN? DO YOU NOT TRUST IN MY OMNISIENCE?
Did you see that?
Silence had befallen the watcher, the voice, it was HIS!
Let’s go back.
Class was about to start as the teacher made last-minute preparations. All seats in the class were full; except for one next to Celestia. The buzzer rang, and the teacher stood up and began introducing herself when…
The door burst open, and all eyes were on the cause of this intrusion. A tall male, almost six feet, wearing a leather jacket with a white shirt underneath, he held in one hand a weird book bag and a motorcycle helmet in the other.
“You’re late Mr.…?” the teacher asked inquiring the person’s name.
“Rafael. Sorry for being late, I got stuck in traffic,”
“Well, take a seat young man, there is one here in the front.”
“Cool.”
He sat next to Celestia but did not take out a book or something to write with.
“Aren’t you going to take notes?” asked Celestia,
“Nope, I have a photographic memory.”
“Sure you do.” She sneered and looked at the direction of the teacher who had now introduced herself to the class.
Class ended, and Celestia walked out of the room and walked to her next class when she banged against a locker. It was the loudest person from the morning.
“Look kid nobody has ever said no to Logan, I understand you are a newbie, but around here Logan is irresistible! You embarrassed me and now you got to pay!”
“What kind of narcissistic douche bag refers to themselves in the third person? Also to be frank, you aren’t a Benedict Cumberbatch for everyone to consider you ‘irresistible’.”
He raised his hand and clenched it into a fist, his hand swung!
Suddenly his body went limp, and he fell to the floor with a thud.
Rafael had punched the bully square in the jaw.
“You knocked him out!” Shouted Celestia.
“Yeah. Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”
“I’m fine.”
“Good, then he’ll just have to enjoy his midday nap.”
She smiled.
“You smiled! You have a beautiful smile.”
“Move out of my way,” said Celestia as she shoved him aside.
That night Celestia did not sleep. She was anxious. She played the day’s events over and over in her head, at first to forget, but eventually she began to enjoy remembering him.
His rescue, his kind words, and his presence in her mind all repeated on the inner wall of her mind.
She indulged in the strange feeling of happiness that without willing it, she smiled again.
The next day he was there on time and sat in the desk next to her. She got a short glimpse of him as she entered the room and darted to the bathroom.
Celestia began hyperventilating…
Sweating…
Thinking…
“What is happening to me?”
Her thoughts were clouded, and she felt nauseous, but as she wanted to…
A voice asked out of nowhere; soft, kind, and concerned.
“Are you okay, Celestia? You ran out of class. Is everything all right?”
“Yes. I’ll be right there, I just needed some air.”
“Are you sure? Do you need a tampon?”
“No! Just… go!”
She went back to class and sat frozen in her seat trying to avoid eye contact with everyone, counting each passing second.
“Class is over, plea-”
Without hesitation she rushed out of class.
As she started walking normally…
“Celestia!”
He popped up!
“Hey, could you help me out with something?”
“No.”
“Come on, you haven’t even heard what I nee-”
“Just because of what you did yesterday doesn’t mean I owe you anything!”
“What? No, it has nothing to do with that, I needed help with Latin class so I asked the teacher to recommend a tutor and she said you were her most brilliant student.”
“Yeah… kind of, but what do you want me to do?”
“Tutor me! When do you have spare time?”
“Maybe some other time…”
“Don’t walk away, please. I really need this, I’m on probation, and if I fail Latin, then I won’t be able to graduate.”
“Okay can you meet today after school?”
“Yeah, I can! Where will we meet though?”
“We can meet at the library. You better be there.”
They went to the library and studied for hours.
It was enjoyable and fruitful such that it became more frequent.
One day, Raphael walked home from school with Celestia and it begun raining.
“Hurry, I don’t want my books to get wet!” She said.
“Don’t worry, it’ll pass by, for now, look up.”
“What?” She answered, confused.
“Look up and you’ll see something.”
“Yeah, rain, haven’t you seen it before?”
“Look closer, do you notice something?”
“That you’re irritating me, just tell me what it is.”
“Look at the raindrops, concentrate, maybe even squint your eyes a little, and you’ll notice the pattern of their falling, look straight up and it’ll appear they are falling towards you, as if you were what they were falling towards.”
Raphael walked up to Celestia and asked her…
“Do you want to go to a concert with me?”
“What? Where did that come from?”
“Don’t worry it’s not a date or anything like that, I just thought since you were nice enough to help me out, I wanted to give you something back, a break from all this studying.”
“You sure?”
“Sure.”
“Where will it be?”
“Wembley Stadium, on September 13.”
“Wait! Is it?”
“Yup.”
“Noooo?”
“Yeah! I got tickets to see The Rolling Stones!”
“I LOVE ‘EM THEY’RE THE ROLLING STONES, MAN!”
September 13,
Celestia got dressed and left for the concert.
She got to the stadium two minutes before the event started, so she scanned for a good spot. Raphael had not yet arrived, so she looked around the crowd, but she did not find him. Perhaps he was outside, waiting for her.
He wasn’t.
She thought, “Did he come? Could he have forgotten?”
She felt as if the entire stadium was spinning and suddenly felt nauseous. She was about to leave the stadium…
BOOSH!
Fireworks encircled the stadium!
A single chord strummed and echoed throughout the stadium.
The crowd roared as a helicopter flew overhead recording the grand event.
The Rolling Stones live in concert!
“What should I do,” she thought, “Where is Raphael? You know what, I will enjoy this!”
“I’ll never be your beast of burden, my back is broad, but it’s a hurting…”
The songs went on and on and time passed in the blink of an eye.
At the end, Mick Jagger walked to the front and said, “Thank you Englishmen and that one Scot in the back! I’d like to thank all of you and these talented people I love. Oh, and Keith. One last thing before we go offstage the last song of the night we will play alongside our dearest friend RAPHAEL!”
“Angie, Angie when will those dark clouds all disappear…”
“That voice…”
Celestia knew in an instant,
“Raphael?”
Mick said, “Come on up little lady,” gesturing her to come on stage.
Celestia moved through the crowed as quickly as she could. Halfway through, the crowd parted and made a lane and she ran through. She jumped on stage and they sang together to the top of their lungs. Raphael jumped in the air as the fireworks lit up, and in the air it felt as though time froze and he could hear nothing but his own heartbeat, lub dub, he got a glimpse of the immensity of the crowd, lub dub, time caught back up with him, the instant began receding and as he came back to the ground, so did Celestia, and their paths both crossed, they crashed, and…
CCRAAAAAAAACCK!
No one heard the breaking of bone because Keith had a guitar solo and ended the song with roaring fireworks.
Celestia felt the leg under her give way and crumble at her feet.
When everyone saw Raphael writhing in pain holding his leg, they knew he broke it. They picked him up and noticed he lost consciousness. They carried him to the paramedics on standby who said:
“It’s broken, but it will be okay.”
“Why did he faint?”
“Could be the trauma ma’am, when he wakes up you can ask him why he fainted.”
Tic toc,
“Ugh,”
Tic toc,
“Wh- a,”
Beep… beep,
“Ugh, Celestia?”
“Yes, Raphael.”
“What happened?”
“I broke your leg.”
“Yeah… wait… WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LEG?”
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t…”
“Celestia, I’m just happy you’re okay.”
“I should have never, it’s my fault!” Celestia Ran out in tears.
“No! Celestia don’t go!”
She ran, with tears pouring and guilt strangling her. She zipped past the doctors and nurses.
The next day someone knocked on her door, “Ms. Celestia Shmith?”
“It’s Smith, but yeah what was it?”
“they sent a package to you please sign here and I’ll be off.”
“Who could it be from?”
She went back inside and opened the package and saw a leather jacket folded into neatly concealing a note.
Dear Celestia, I wrote this hoping that you would like the jacket, but not only because of that. I know why you are so snappy with other people, Philophobia. The teacher told me about what happened with your parents, I’m sorry. My father also died in the war, and my mother became an alcoholic who died when I was 14.
Since then I dove into books and other forms of knowledge, but I tried to look cool because I was afraid of what others might say.
You, you were so cool handling that guy that tried to hit you! If there is anything I learnt from being in the hospital is forgiveness. Those people that we think hurt us have been hurt so much more, and they are being further hurt when we turn our backs to them. Don’t worry about what happened at the concert being in this hospital also made me think about how I felt being with you. I haven’t had fun like that since my dad left. I know I suck at Latin but with all your help I have learnt enough to get through. I just hope that because of me, by the time you read this…
Ingressi sunt amoris et cor tuum.
P.S.
I’m not sure but it should translate as:
“Love will have entered your heart”
She finished reading; she burst into tears.
As the glistening water streaked along her cheek, a smile emanated.
She held the note to her heart.
The next day, Celestia woke up and got dressed.
She went to college, and on her way she looked delighted with everyone, and occasionally stopped to chat a bit. She entered class and sat at the front and was gracious to those that later entered. Her face had never been so cheerful.
Come, and you will witness it all unfold.
ZADKIEL! WHAT HAS HAPPENED HERE?
She appears to have had a change in heart. It most likely will fade away.
NO! SHE HAS LET LOVE ENTER HER; HER HEART, LOCKED WITH FEAR AND HATE, THAT LOCK IS OPEN WITH FORGIVENESS. DO YOU NOT YET UNDERSTAND?
NO! SHE HAS LET LOVE ENTER HER; HER HEART, LOCKED WITH FEAR AND HATE, THAT LOCK IS OPEN WITH FORGIVENESS. DO YOU NOT YET UNDERSTAND?
No, Father, why is it you care so much for these beings whom you have given everything yet they still curse your name?
CHILD, I AM OMNISCIENT. WHAT I KNOW AND PERCIEVE IS BEYOND YOU. I SHALL ONLY GIVE YOU THE BASIS OF MY REASON…
TRUE LOVE.
What?
TRUE LOVE.
IF I FORCED MAN TO DO THE RIGHT THEN THEY WOULD BE NO BETTER OFF THAN THEIR MACHINES.
IF I DID NOT GIVE THEM OPPORTNITY TO CHOOSE THEN THEY WOULD NEVER LIVE, BUT EXIST.
AS IT PERTAINS TO YOU, MY BELOVED CHILD, I HAVE ENTRUSTED YOU WITH WATCHING NO MORE.
W… hy?
YOU ARE ZADKIEL! ARCHANGEL OF FREEDOM! PATRON OF THOSE WHO FORGIVE.
Wow, Father after all that I did… I promise to serve you and never again murmur against your will.
I AM PLEASED MY CHILD.
NOW SPREAD THIS WORD TO ZION.
Listen over there.
The following is true:
As mankind grows, we grow hollow inside. As we rise to the skies, we lose our foundation on reality. Relinquish the lust, the gluttony, the greed, the wrath, the envy, the pride, and… the sloth. For mankind now says when he sins…
“I did not know.”
NO!
Mankind’s mistakes are not of ignorance, but of indolence! Cease it and allow the transformation in your own life, transform the world, grain by grain.
Do you see now?
Our journey together has ended.
Yours my friend has only begun.
HE created us not to be objects but to be action takers, movers, builders, creators! You have acted, as you have read this now, practice it.
Forgive those who have hurt you, share with them a moment of peace.
I shall depart from you now but I shall never leave you alone for now my words exist in the one place no man can steal.
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