I cried when...

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I did not receive the Eucharist. 

For some time I was struggling with sin. I still am, but I would try to punish myself by not receiving the Eucharist. I would not go to Mass many times because I felt it was pointless not to partake of the sacrament. One Sunday as I sat at the back of the church and saw the priest raise the Host I began crying because I could not receive Him because I knew our relationship was bad and I had not been to confession. I eventually went to confession and have been many times since. 

I recently began trying to go to daily Mass and pray the Rosary daily. It has been strengthening and deepening my love for God. A few days ago, I went to evening Mass at Divine Mercy. I had begun going to Mass in Benque before I left for work, but that day I was so tired I decided to push it down to when I was already in Belize City. After communion I was praying and remembered that I had promised God many years back that I would give my life in service to Him. Tears filled my closed eyes as I have been praying for my vocation. It has been the strongest I have felt so far that I am being called to the priesthood. Past feelings and advice have helped, but this was just beautiful. 

I talked to an aspirant in Benque about how he made his decision, and his description along with one other are what always are a part of my prayer. He said while he was in Haiti he saw a need for Fathers but he also saw the need for priests and the latter was greater. The second which I do not remember where I got it from but I have a strong feeling is from the book "I heard God Laugh" said the phrase your truest self. I am not sure if it was talking in relation to a vocation but I have tied it in to that. 

So far I have seen the need for priests because I have been around the country filming and I have seen how few and far between priests and churches are. Along with that I have so far felt my truest self when I bring myself closer to God in prayer, and partaking of the sacrament. 

God has worked in my life in ways I had not noticed. We thankfully have hindsight to appreciate His hand in our life but we lack the foresight to know where he is leading us. Please pray for me as I continue this journey. Whichever vocation I choose is irrelevant to my journey closer to God. 

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