Diary of a crazy Person

Tuesday 5th, February:
My doctor gave me this book. It's old and dusty. He said I will have fun writing. This is my first entry. I want to introduce myself. My name is Lawrence. I am told I am special. I am not like most people. My days are normal. If you saw me on the street, I would just be another regular stranger. Mom and dad fight a lot about me, because dad doesn't want me around the house. Mom say's she does, but she is sad when I am around. I don't know why I am special. I am told I am. So I believe the persons that tell me I am. I hope this helps me. My doctor looked concerned when he gave me. So far it is fun. It's like I am talking to you. What did he call you, a journal? I think that was what he said. 

Wednesday 6th, February:
Last night when I went to bed I had an awful dream. I was kneeling on the floor. Around me was dark. I felt my hands were wet. I looked down on them and saw that they were red. I had blood on my hands. I tried to clean it on myself, but the blood got thicker. I passed my hands on my face. As I touched my nose, I felt like I fell. I woke up. I was sweating and breathing fast. I looked at my hands, and they were clean. I touched my face; I ran my hands down it and felt a warm liquid. My nose was bleeding. I panicked and ran to the bathroom. I cried myself to sleep. I don't think this is working.

Thursday 7th, February:

I don't feel like writing today. 

Friday 8th, February:

I must apologize. I did not have much energy to get much done. I want to make up for it today and tell you about this person I met. She is so beautiful. I saw her walking to the store. I did not talk to her because I was shy. I hope I see her tomorrow. This is so awesome! I can't believe I am so excited about tomorrow. I just don't see myself sleeping tonight. Tomorrow I will talk to her for sure. I will introduce myself. Not that I will have much to talk to her about. I just am looking forward to hearing her speak. I hope I don't blow it. I will tell you all about it. For now, I have to leave. Maybe I plan what I will say in my sleep. I am overthinking this. My heart is racing.

Saturday 9th, February:

I blew it. I talked to her, but I broke down. I said, "hi" and that was about it. She looked at me and smiled. She said something. But I did not answer. I stared at her. I ran off after I noticed I was being weird. I knew I shouldn't have talked to her. I should have admired her from far. I can't believe I did that. I feel so bad. I am not special. I am stupid. I want to stop messing up when I meet people. Writing in a book in the dark will not help me, talking to people will. I can't take this! I want to stay inside forever. Perhaps people will talk to me to find out where I went. I would probably mess up. I guess a book is as close that I can get to a conversation.

Sunday 10th, February:

There is no writing for today. I went to church. 

Sunday 17th, February:

I forgot about you. I went a week without writing in you. I am sorry. Last week when I went to church I just wanted to be alone. I wanted the service to end and for my parents to drive me back home. A couple days passed and the girl from the store came up to me. She said she saw me at church. She said sorry about the other day; she wanted to go after me, but it was her turn next in line. I drew a little smile and began talking to her. She said I seemed like a nice gentleman. She had seen me a couple times at the store. She admitted that what I did was brave. She would have never approached a stranger to say hi. She even told me how much of a gentleman I was after I held the door open for her. I have been so happy these past few days I forgot about everything. It was until today that I wanted to tell someone about it. Then I remembered you, my journal. I want her to read this one day. Maybe not all of it, but the parts that talk about her, yes. I hope I keep seeing her. She is just so beautiful. I wish I could express it to her. At least we're talking. Every sentence I write, I just smile more and more. I feel like I have been going on forever. I am just so happy to release a week's load of emotions. Good bye for now, I hope she is as happy as I am.

Monday 18th, February:

Hello, so I messed up again. Perhaps big time. I saw her on the street today. I wanted to act cool and play like I am not dying to hold her. So, I walked and ignored her. I had on earphones so I acted like I was jamming to the tunes. I got home and saw some messages that did not make me feel cool. She told me she thought I was different, perhaps even special, the one. I guess I am just another one. I hate myself right now. I don't know what to do. I want to message her. I want to call her. This sucks! She probably will never want to talk to me ever again! Fuck!

Monday 18th, February (again):

I can't sleep. 

Tuesday 19th, February:
I am having bad thoughts. What can I do? I miss her. I want her back. 

Wednesday 20th, February:
Journal, you have been here for a while. But you are not always there for me. You must hear what happened. Today I went to the store, I saw her there. She bought and left, and I followed her. She went through an alley and I held her arm and turned her around. She hit me with her groceries. I got mad, and I hit her. I hit her. I punched her, and she screamed. I panicked and hit her again, and again, and again. My fist was red, but the screams stopped. I looked at my arm covered in blood. I killed her. I scattered her teeth on the floor. I smashed her face in. I took off my shirt, and I ran away. I went home to get some things, and I got you. I don't know where I am, but I am by the road near a river. I washed off what was left of her. I can't stop thinking of the sound of her bones cracking. The sudden force of my fist crashing on her face, and the sound that followed. It sounded like a branch that was being broken off a tree. The crack made my blood rush. I don't miss her. I did what I did to defend myself. She hit me. Now she has me on the run. I hope I can get far enough to be safe. For now, you will accompany me wherever I go. I can't trust anyone anymore. I can only trust you. 

Monday 18th, May:

The months passed, and I grew better at what I do. At first it happened in defense. I was a fearful animal, trying to survive. Now I enjoy taking a life. I stopped writing in my journal because I no longer needed it as an outlet. My outlet is killing. I started today because I want to tell someone what I am doing. I know it won't be long until I am caught, or someone finds this and reads it. Good, I want you to read it. I want you to know about the lives being lost and not be able to do anything about it. This is a new feeling I am getting from doing this, the thought that I can have even more power. I want you to know. The next time I write, it will be to tell you about how I killed each person. Every detail about them you will know, yet you won't be able to save them. Enjoy.

Tuesday 19th, May:

The first of my victims was a young lady jogging. She saw me near a stream. I was drinking water from it. She took pity on me and gave me some water. That was her first mistake. She came close and handed me some of her water. I drank some and sat down with her to talk. I had no interest of conversing with her. I wanted to know if she lived alone. To her misfortune, she did. I went back to her place and showered. She offered me some clean clothes and a hot meal. I almost felt bad for what I would do to her. I almost spent the entire night at her house. Had I not gotten up hungry at the middle of the night. My hunger drove me to her room. She slept in her undergarments. Her body was beautiful. It was not enough for me. I took a pen and began finding a delightful spot on her neck. She seemed aroused. I clicked the pen, and she exhaled, as she did I pushed the pen with my palm into her neck. The warm liquid came out. She coughed and gasped, but her windpipe ruptured and her lungs were filling with the life-giving liquid. It was taking too long, and it was making a bit of a mess. So I lifted her up and sat her down. I took my index fingers and drove them into the warm cavity. As the skin began tearing and more space appeared, I used both hands to open an even larger gaping wound. Her struggles at the end had caused an even bigger mess than I had expected. The new clothes she gave me were ruined. And my body was painted in her blood. Before leaving I took another shower, and I packed some clothes for the road. I hid in the forest for a few hours to get sleep and keep moving on.

Wednesday 20th, May:

My next victim was a dog. I rested in the forest for longer than I had expected. My time there was not pleasurable. There was a constant noise in the distance. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I assumed it was my ears that had gotten infected and were not working properly. Brushing off the noise as a mere anomaly, I went back to sleep. Moments later, the noise started again. Had it been one of my ears, the noise would have been constant. Therefore, I set off to find the cause of the noise. To my surprise, it was a skinny dog stuck on a fallen tree. I went nearer to it to free it, and it bit me! Enraged, I struck it. It became equally infuriated and tried even harder to free itself. I looked at this beast full of blood-sucking parasites and ended its life. Not because of pity, because I know you can't stop me. You should have heard its whimpers. They were loud. They caused my face to light up. I grabbed its hind legs and broke them. That way he could not lunge to bite me. After the sound of cracking bones came, I wanted to hear the tearing of flesh. So I picked up a jagged stone and went from the base of its tail and slid to its toes. I opened the muscles and strip the animal of its bones, still attached to its tendons and nerves. I picked out the fragments of broken bone and set it on the side. I still had work to do. By now the creature was bleeding profusely and had very little energy to fight back. But it was still crying in pain. What had brought me joy, now irritated me. So, I grabbed its jaw and broke it from its hinges. I can still remember the faint sound as if the branch of a tree were breaking. The sounds slowly ceased, until the dog was still, all its blood exhausted and its will to live shattered. I peeled off its skin and made a fire. That night I ate what little meat was left on that dog. It tasted better than I thought it would.

Wednesday 21st, May:

I killed and ate a pelican. For a few days after I had killed the dog, I wandered to the coast. There I met a homeless man. We talked a bit , and he offered me some water and dry bread. He asked me why I was away from home. I told him my parents did not want me, and they put me out on the streets. Have you noticed that I have become a better talker? We sat on a bench by the coast. We saw many people pass, and we saw a few birds on the beach. The homeless man told me they were seagulls and pigeons. Then a bigger bird came. I asked him what that one was called. He said pelican. Something was strange about this bird. It had a long neck, but as it landed, it pushed its head back and seemed to have something in its mouth. It was his spine. The homeless man told me it does that sometimes to cool off when it's too hot. I thanked the man and went closer to the beach. I had some breadcrumbs left, and I used it to attract a pelican. After I had laid the trap, I saw it eat and stick around. I threw some closer to me. It saw it and came closer. As it did, I threw myself toward it. I grabbed a leg and some of its wing. I held the neck and examined the bird after it had calmed down. I could feel it breathing slower. I pushed the head down, but nothing happened. I struggled to replicate what it had done. I thought hard about what I would do next. What I did led me down the path I would never turn back from. I bit its neck. Blood came gushing out. I ate the piece of flesh and spat out the feathers that remained. I loved the taste, but I loved the rush eating live meat gave me. The bird flapped around on the ground and splattered blood everywhere. I went after it and broke its neck. Stopping the flailing, I ate the rest of the raw meat. 

Thursday 30th, July:

Hello, I am Diane. I was almost another one of Lawrence's victims. He had me locked up in an old house in the forest. I escaped and took book. 
One day I was hiking in the forest close to where I lived. I saw this young man near a fire, he asked me if I was lost, and I told him what I was doing. I asked him if he was. He told me just a little. We talked some more, and I invited him back to my place. He seemed giddy when he saw some pictures of my graduation from the academy. 

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