It’s 1849...

...and you’re headed West along the Oregon Trail. Describe the safety features of your state-of-the-art covered wagon.

What's up finger lickers I'm going on the Oregon trail! I isn't wasting my time with crappy carts and beige cheese cloth looking caskets on an excuse for wheels. I'm going down the trail for the hell of it, and also the content. I'm taking my gopro with me and I'm gonna upload the highlights of my trip on $Tube. Don't worry about me, I didn't only bring the camera...check it! The footage pans to a futuristic looking motorcycle. 2999 skY bike, I traveled back in time just to pick this up, and then I went even further back to mess with these idiots freezing and starving below. Most of them aren't going to make it. Who cares, I'll get this sick footage with this vintage skY bike. It has a forcefield that can withstand a solar flare, it has seats that heat up automatically when the temperature drops, It's got a sick defense system with lasers so precise they can cut an atom, and it has two cup holders. The video fades. 

The video fades back. In the background is a lot of shiny pieces of metal, way at the background is the skY bike on fire. The flames are blue at the base, and pink at the top. A burnt hand missing some fingers crawls into focus. It picks up the camera and pans it towards himself. I messed up! Please! If someone finds this, stop me from...The video ends in a crunch.