Write the ad

...for an expensive new drug that improves bad posture. Now, list the possible side effects.

Hey fat fuck, yeah, you stuffing the handfull of chips in your mouth, have people told you you're a slob, a worthless, unemployed crooked loser?

We can help! At least we can straighten your posture...

Introducing Straight Crystal

This fancy crystal is worn using velcro straps like a small backpack, weighs less than a standard dictionary, and is concealed under your clothes!

...for an expensive new drug that improves bad posture. Now, list the possible side effects.

Straight Crystal promises to improve your posture in as little as two days of continual use!

Side effects are: Sore shoulders, skinn irritation, red skin, blistering, discomfort in breathing and sitting down, and the remote chance of your soul being claimed with black magic by the shaman who we stole the crystal from.

Straight Crystal, don't you think your life should be straightened up? Straighten your body first with Straight Crystal!